Some of God's beloved children...

"For you have not received a spirt of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, 'Abba! Father!' " Romans 8:15

Lavishly Without Hesitation

John 12:3, "Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair..."

This summer I spent six weeks in Uganda. My dear friend and roommate, Krista, joined me a week later. We volunteered with two different organizations while we were there, one of them being a children’s library with ACCLs (Africa Christian Children’s Libraries) and the other an organization that worked with street children (Dwelling Places). I have many stories of people who touched my life and taught me so much but for right now I will just share one.

Krista and I met a family through another volunteer at Dwelling Places. We approached their small home and I noticed about 6 or 7 children around the home. This, however, isn’t uncommon for Ugandan home- families are fluid, everyone is welcome, and your neighbor is your friend. The mother, Agnes, came outside and warmly greeted us and thanked us for coming. Inside, there was a small baby, named Michelle, sitting on the coach. My eyes were instantly drawn to her frail malnourished body. I held her regardless of her mother insisting I should set her down because she might su-su (pee) on me. After we left, I thought to myself that it was so sad the baby was so tiny for her age (she was 7 months old but the size of a newborn) and I told my mom about her that evening on the phone and just said, “It was so sad”. But I had no intentions of going back or helping the family. “What can I do? I don’t want to be the typical American who pities people and then throws money at them. Wouldn’t it be patronizing if I showed up at their house because I felt sorry for them? And because I have more than them, does that make it ok for me to just come back with gifts or food?” These were just some of the many thoughts going through my head.

Krista told me she wanted to go back the following day. I was hesitant of how Agnes would view this, especially because Krista wanted to buy yogurt for Michelle and lollipops for the rest of the kids. If we went back, I wanted to go back as friends and build a friendship that was two way and not based on us giving material things and her receiving.

I went back that day with Krista. I had been so consumed with the obvious condition of Michelle the first time we visited that I didn’t even notice another baby sitting in the corner of the room crying. This time I saw her. Trust seemed “healthy” compared to Michelle. She was 1 ½ and although smaller than most 1 ½ olds in the US, she didn’t look malnourished. I picked her up and held her and she lay limp in my arms. She seemed to have a silent yet steady trickle of tears running down her face. She never smiled or giggled. When given food, she would eat one bean and then just start crying harder as if it physically pained her to even eat. My heart broke for her. I told Agnes that we could and should take Trust to the clinic because something clearly was wrong. Agnes did not have the money for the clinic but Krista and I told her we would pay for it. Thankfully, what Trust had was an easily treatable bacterial infection of some kind. On our last day at Dwelling Places, Agnes made us lunch and we said goodbye. Trust smiled for the first time I had ever seen on that day. That smile meant the world to me.

After returning several times throughout our stay at Dwelling Places, I began collecting pieces of the Agnes’ story. Agnes comes from the Congo and has experienced many horrific and difficult times. By the time she was 15, both of her parents had been killed. She was left with two options: go to the streets and survive through prostitution and/or begging or get married. She chose to get married because she said, “At least I knew someone would take care of me”. Because her husband is Ugandan, they moved to Uganda where she had her first child at 15. She has had 3 other children of her own and adopted at least 4 others. At 26, she is the mother of 8 children. Her husband is currently unemployed. I’m not quite sure if he was laid off of a former job or if he chooses not to work. Despite him not working, Agnes makes paper bead necklaces to support her family. However, making them is an extremely laborious and time consuming process and selling them locally barely covers the expense of the materials.

She has three babies- her youngest by birth is 2, Michelle is 7 months, and Trust is 1 ½. Both Michelle and Trust were abandoned by their birth mothers. Trust lived a couple houses away and Agnes noticed her sitting outside until 10 at night. Agnes went to the house and confronted the mother about neglecting her baby. Agnes told me that Trust’s hair was white-ish and all you could see of her was two eyes and bones. The mother said she didn’t care and couldn’t care for her and told Agnes she would just take her to the mother-in-laws house. Agnes informed me that mother-in-laws of illegitimate children have a bad reputation for killing the babies. Agnes told her that she would not let that happen and told her she would take her in herself. After she took Trust, the mother left and hasn’t been back. Thankfully, Agnes was able to nurse Trust back to health but she still remains quiet and sad. Agnes told me she thinks something happened to her while she would sit outside as a baby. Agnes took in Michelle’s birth mother before she was pregnant. After she gave birth, she left without warning and without her baby. Agnes had to feed her with cows’ milk that her body couldn’t digest properly. She is now able to begin eating solid foods and has a huge appetite! I have high hopes for her to be a healthy weight soon! Her mother also has never been back.

My heart slowly began to open up more to this family. I began feeling their pain and also their joy and wanting to share whatever I had with them. When Agnes first asked us to sell her necklaces, I wanted to say no because I didn’t want her to be dependent on us in any way. But whether it was the “right” choice or not, I agreed to take some beads to sell and find a way to send the money back to her. Not only does Agnes support herself, her husband, and at least 8 children, but she is also supporting her friend and her family. Her friend has HIV/ AIDS and does not have the finances to afford medical care let alone school fees for all her children. Her husband died of AIDS and she is all her children have. She admitted to us that she fears for her children’s futures because she knows she will not be on this earth much longer and they will be left without any support.

If Agnes, with so little can give so much, why can’t I? Agnes gave us quality time with her and her precious little ones, she gave us her friendship regardless of what we did or didn't have to offer, she gave us meals, she taught me about selfless love and faith in God's provision. I want to help, I want to give selflessly, but how do I know when I’m helping or hurting? God has been teaching me so much about what selfless giving looks like through Agnes, Krista, The Well, and the woman in the Gospels who poured her perfume on Jesus. I want to give freely and outrageously without hesitation like Mary did in John 12:1-11 when she poured her most valuable possession over Jesus’ feet. Serving God is costly and dirty. It cost Mary her life savings. She bent low and washed the dirtiest part of Jesus’ body. In stark contrast with her humility was Judas Iscariot. He was arrogant, thinking he knew better than her. He was skeptical and cynical, mocking her for her “useless” act of worship. However, true love and sacrifice don’t seek utility or personal benefits. I want to be like Mary giving lavishly and impractically because I know serving Christ isn’t the means to an end but an end in itself.

Agnes, on the right, with her friend, on the left, displaying her beautiful necklaces.

Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!

I had the extreme joy of being reunited with my loving host family while I was in Uganda! Not only did I get to embrace my mama and papa once again but there were two new addition to the family since I was there last year. Rosie, a precious girl they adopted from Jinja, and a newborn baby named Rejoice, were the wonderful additions! It's a beautiful story of hope, grace, and provision.

When I arrived in January 2010, mama and papa and tragically lost a baby. Mama is paralyzed from the waist down and the doctors told her she wouldn't have a chance at getting pregnant or of having a healthy pregnancy. Miraculously she carried a healthy baby for 9 months! Due to her condition, she needed a c-section and when she arrived at the hospital that night, the doctors had already gone home for the evening and wouldn't return till the morning. Before morning came, the baby stopped moving. With hearts surrendered to God and full of His love, they did not become bitter but kept trusting in the Lord to provide for them joy, healing, and a family someday. I have learned so much from their humble trust in the Lord.

And He heard the cry of His children and provided two beautiful girls for this dear family! Mama had a healthy pregnancy AND delivery and gave birth to Rejoice 3 1/2 weeks before I arrived to Uganda. So why not REJOICE in God's faithfulness?? He is so good.

Mama, Rejoice, and me!

The beautiful and happy family! (Rosie got out of the picture somehow!)

Rejoice modeling the sweater my mommy knit her and the booties my sister knit her!

Tents and sleepunders.

Our inspiration...

Our tent!

Tea time!

Peacock tapestry I bought yesterday at a flea market for 4 euro.

What is beauty?

What is beauty?

Traveling often evokes an identity crisis within me. I’ve been a part of bits and pieces of many different cultures but never know which one is mine. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t white. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t American. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t blonde. Then I dye my hair and wish I wasn’t brunette. There are many different voices, opinions, and standards telling me what beautiful is and frankly… I have NO idea how to define it. I’ve changed my own mind about what makes something or someone beautiful time and time again, each time with a little more confusion and a little less certainty than the time before.

What is beauty?

The fact that I don’t even know which community I belong to/ want to belong to/ am accepted in, makes me feel much more lost in this area than the average bear who’s community defines beauty for him. I find myself chasing people’s ideals of beauty and imitating them, trying to find out what it is for myself. I just want be me. Easy for someone else to say. But what if I don’t know what me is supposed to look like, to say, or how me is supposed to act? Half the time, I don’t know what I’m “supposed” to do based on “where I’m from” because I don’t even know from where I hail.

What is beauty?

I don’t have a label. I don’t fit into any predetermined category. Who am I? Which identities do I embrace? And for when and what? When is it appropriate to change to be a part of your current culture and community? Beauty should be interchangeable in all settings, right? How do I stay the same person all the time? SHOULD I stay the same person all the time or be adapting to my location? And it goes beyond clothes and skin and gestures. How do I value ANYTHING without a working definition of beauty? What things are and SHOULD be valued as beautiful?

What is beauty?

God is my rock and foundation. I need to begin this search with Him and let His word transform my warped views of beauty and my identity. I am confused. I am fickle. I am broken. God is strong. God never changes. God restores the broken. I am inadequate. I am weak. I am dirty. God is perfect beauty. Jesus’ death is perfect beauty. What God created was good and beautiful. Then we messed that up with sin. With Jesus’ sacrifice, all my ugly shortcomings and weaknesses are covered and God only sees Jesus’ beautiful and perfect love. Jesus’ love has made my heart beautiful. Love has given this soul purpose. Love has turned something ugly into something beautiful.

What is beauty?

When I think of the people in my life who I find most beautiful, it is those who are Jesus’ hands and feet. Who are selfless servants. Those who love with all they have. Romans 10:15 says, “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news of good things!”

What is beauty?

I may never fully be a part of any one community. I many never completely share ideals of beauty with a given society. But I do know who I am in Christ. And I do know that His love has made me beautiful. I am still a broken vessel but I am also a child of the Redeemer. I hope He will use me- inadequate on my own- to serve and love Him and others.

“Love will make you beautiful.” The Afters

Philosophy of Summer

Taking Philosophy of Education Fall semester of this year sparked my love for philosophies. So far I have written my philosophy of life, philosophy of education, and philosophy of discipline. And now here I am developing my philosophy of summer. Many more philosophies to come.

Our culture says summer is “time off.” Time off from being responsible. Time off from discipline. Time off from prayer and spiritual growth. Time off from hard work. Time off from wise choices. It’s easy to convince myself that I am ENTITLED to a “break” from all things difficult. We are saturated with a culture that whispers, “You DESERVE to sleep all day, to eat whatever you want, to make any decisions you want, to do NOTHING with eternal significance etc.” We become irresponsible, lazy, and gluttonous but justify all of these as acceptable and expected because we “deserve” them. This time is for me. It’s my summer. I do what I want. Why does our culture entertain this idea and embrace its meaninglessness? Unfortunately, our culture is always focused on “me”. Life is about you as an individual and what you can do to be happy, comfortable, and at ease. But I am FREE from the bondage of this world. Romans 6:5-6 says, “ For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin…” (NASB).

I am accountable to Him for all the things I choose to do and don’t choose to do this summer. Everyday is a GIFT- an opportunity to love and a chance to bring glory to the Creator. Why have I dismissed summertime from this before? My view of summer began developing and being transformed two years ago while I was sitting in Lit & Arts II with Ms. Mellon (I mean Mrs. Ebersole). She was sharing her testimony during Missions Week, which in general I related to a lot and was really encouraged by. At one point she shared her journey to Nepal. She talked about her “ideal” summer plans previous to her 1^st summer trip to Nepal- plain and simple- she wanted to spend the summer on the beach. But for SOME reason, she just couldn’t justify that in her mind anymore. She couldn’t sit on the beach when she could and should be serving God. When I first heard this, I was surprised and even offended because my OWN plans to sit on the beach all summer had just been disturbed. How could she insinuate that my own plan to just relax and treat myself to a break from serving God was wrong? I was so consumed in our culture’s view of personal entitlement that I couldn’t see God’s big picture. Yes, I desperately needed a break from schoolwork. And it is definitely a wonderful thing to enjoy the outdoors and a less insane schedule. But there is a HUGE difference between REST and LAZYNESS. God Himself rested on the seventh day. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-29, “Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest in your souls.” (NASB) But we are also called at ALL times to love God and love others. Ephesians 5:1-2 says, “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering.” (NIV).

This quote sums it up well:

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under the trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” ~Sir John Lubbock

So go enjoy EVERY DAY God has blessed you with and LOVE to the fullest. Carpe diem. Seize the day.

People watching in Terminal E

I love people watching. Especially in the Boston-Logan Airport, Terminal E, where all the international flights go out. I always have a long layover of at least 5 hours and this time I decided to tally some commonalties I observed. On my journey back home two days ago, I observed the international travelers that made their way past me. After watching people for around 2 hours some of my favorite things I saw were..

Fanny packs (7)

Man-pris (3)

Aladdin pants (2)

Dreads (4)

Mullets (5)

Wheelies (1) (And I wished I was wearing them. I was in the 45 minute grown up line to check my bag instead of twirling around carefree.)

"Go forth seeking adventure. Open your eyes, your ears, your mind, your heart, your spirit and you’ll find adventure everywhere." -Wilferd A. Peterson