a year's reflection

This past year (beginning in August 2012), I have been living in Uganda and teaching primary/ elementary school to the children of two wonderful families. For my own sake of needing closure and an outlet for processing, and for my friends/family, in order to communicate a little bit of what has happened in this vast amount of time, I will try my best to highlight my year.

First of all, I am blown away by God's provision and grace. It was my heart's desire to come back to Uganda and also to teach and He provided that for me this year thanks to the Bartels who asked me to come as a tutor/ teacher. Usually life feels so normal here that I forget what a blessing it is to have this opportunity. Sometimes it just hits me and I have no other option but to stop and thank Him for the gifts and blessings He has given me that I daily take for granted.

This year has been a whirlwind of growth, learning, and joy. Its the small moments of seeing Jesus in people and in His creation that will remain unforgettable. some of my favorite moments being...

+ staring at a crescent moon and brilliant stars
+ counting caterpillars( or are they millipedes?)  with my kindergarteners
+ naming mischievous monkeys who want to join our class or maybe just disrupt our class
+ learning about a new country every day with Daniel
+ listening and answering Daniel's questions when we read the Bible together
+ reading 9 Roald Dahl books out loud
+ getting cuddles from Mary and Rachel
+ hearing "Ms. Becky!" everyday
+ feeling sunshine soak into my skin
+ having a cup of coffee waiting for me every morning (thanks Abby!)
+ seeing 3 kindergartens who love reading
+ watching David, Charlotte, and Daniel make people smile and laugh when they use Luganda
+ being recognized by taxi conductors who know you're either going to Kampala or returning to Mukono
+ spending quality time with precious and loved friends at UCU and in Kampala
+ cuddling under my covers and drinking tea during rain storms
+ going on long walks
+ using MTN magic number to talk to friends in Uganda for practically nothing
+ having pillow fights while babysitting the Bartels kiddos
+ witnessing spiderman (aka barefoot Robert in a mask) showing up to school
+ eating a late night rolex with a friend when you feel like you haven't eaten all day
+ catching Daniel reading his story out loud that he's been working so hard on to write
+ skyping with friends in the US and family in Portugal
+ riding boda bodas rain or shine
+ singing along to Ugandan music being blasted from anywhere/ everywhere/ anytime/ everytime
+ traveling in Uganda with my students for field trips
+ smiling and greeting/ being smiled at and being greeted by complete strangers


Well that list is certainly not exhaustive of my favorite moments but i'll stop there.

Here are a couple of my favorite pictures from teaching this year!

The wonderful Bartels family!

Children's library time

Rainy school day

making rockets

hand prints for time capsules

 colorful crowns!

Seeing that one of the many joys of this year was reading several of,  if not most of,  Roald Dahl's children's books, I'll share with you one of my favorite quotes of his.

I have had an outrageous and unbelievable year! :) I have, as Roald Dahl would say,  gone "the whole hog" by teaching in Uganda with some incredible people. It has honestly been such a joy and humbling privilege to teach and learn from these children. Next year, I'll be starting a new adventure- teaching kindergarten at an international school in Kampala, Acacia Classical Academy. I'm feeling sentimental as this year and this experience draws to an end but I am also anticipating my next journey with great excitement! Thank you everyone who has supported me through this year and helped it to be such a valuable and treasured experience.

October snow

It's snowing... and I wish this wonderful stove belonged in my apartment. But I'm thankful I have blankets to snuggle up with, coffee to sip, good books to read, dear friends to talk to, Mannheim Steamroller to listen to, and yes, I'm thankful for a thesis to be writing.

Broken

Right now I'm watching Titanic (my first time EVER). The unsinkable boat sunk. Things and people break no matter how strong they are. Simple right? I just got in a car accident a couple nights ago. My car is ugly, crushed, and broken. Right now severe flooding threatens Bangkok. People's lives are wrecked, destroyed, and devastated.

John 16:33 says," These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world". Our story doesn't end in our tribulations. Because of God's grace, we have more than our brokeness. God has redeemed our ugly and devastated lives. His goodness transcends all circumstances. Looking at my distorted car reminds me of what I am. I am broken and unworthy. But my worth doesn't come from my outer appearance. My car still runs despite its seemingly worthless exterior and I find value in it. Because of God's grace, I have worth despite my failures and ugly sinfulness. But I only exist and breath because of Him. On my own, I can't make myself beautiful and worthy just as my car can't fix itself.

But there is beauty in acknowledging and embracing our brokeness. Not hiding it or attempting to cover it because we want to look perfect. When we see our utter unworthiness, only then, can we also be aware of our complete reliance on God's perfect grace to give us value and redemption. Exposing our imperfections brings God glory. It displays His grace in our complete inadequacy. Grace. You did nothing to earn it. Let's stop pretending to be perfect and mask our broken pieces because what that's really saying is, "I'm whole. I'm beautiful. I'm self-sufficient. I don't need God." When we show our broken pieces and how we are nothing, we are ugly, and we are absolutely dependent we are also showing the redemptive grace of an all mighty God. We should rejoice in our broken pieces rather than hiding them in shame, bringing God glory and not ourselves.

Isaiah 43:1-4 says,

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name; you are Mine!
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
For I am the LORD your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I have given Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your place.
Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you."

The writer is speaking of God's relationship with Israel but we too, through Christ, can be adopted into God's family and be redeemed as Israel was. God doesn't offer a "good life" without hardships and heartaches but He does promise to be faithful, good, and merciful. God never fails no matter what our circumstances may be.

Learning to venture. Venturing to learn.

I recently read Can Evangelicals Learn from World Religions?:Jesus, Revelation & Religious Traditions by Gerald R. McDermott for Apologetics. This book was written for the purpose of examining evangelical’s theology on truth and revelation. The author is not questioning our means of salvation or suggesting universalism but rather he is suggesting that truth about God and human nature can be found among various beliefs. God has revealed himself in many ways to all people and this manifestation of God can be found throughout world religions. The author defines what he means by revelation and then gives Biblical and theological reasons to support his beliefs. He then takes a closer look at a couple world religions and analyzes what we as evangelical believers can glean from them. He does not give an exhaustive description of what can be learned but rather gets the reader thinking with the hopes of the reader continuing his search for God’s truth woven in among the world’s religions.

“This book…argues that if Saint Augustine learned from Neo-Platonism to better understand the gospel, if Thomas Aquinas learned from Aristotle to better understand the Scriptures, and if John Calvin learned from Renaissance humanism, perhaps evangelicals may be able to learn from the Buddha--and other great religious thinkers and traditions--things that can help them more clearly understand God's revelation in Christ” (12). Has God revealed things to other religions that are not contained in Christianity? Does this mean there is another provisional revelation outside of Christ? Is the redemptive work of Christ and the Scriptures not all there is? Are other world religions compatible with Christianity?

These have been some of the questions that have risen in my mind throughout reading this book. However, McDermott does not challenge the fact that salvation comes through Christ alone. He merely entertains the idea that perhaps God has enabled all humans with the knowledge of Him, which is then expressed different ways through different religions. He is not insinuating that there are multiple paths to heaven but rather is saying that insight can be gained from them. Religions are, after all, human creations to interpret the world and our existence. Because God has created each human with innate knowledge of a greater being and the unquenchable desire for Him, how then would truths of God not be found within these man made constructs? Yes, they are flawed and do not bring reconciliation to God but these humans attempts to strive for meaning and redemption have truths within that cannot be man made.

What can we learn from Buddhists? “…their experience of the distance between ordinary perception and reality can help check our natural presumption when talking about God… they also confirm the Bible’s picture of this cosmos and ourselves as radically dependent on God” (136, 141). What can we learn from Daoism? “…they can …help us understand the biblical paradox that God produces strength through human weakness” (165). What can we learn through Confucius? “We need to return [to Christ rather thanli] because we typically ignore the call of conscience to act with consideration of duty to others” (179). What can we through the teachings of Muhammad and the religion of Islam? Submission to God, creation as a theater of God’s glory, regular and theocentric prayer, charity to the poor, and making our faith public, just to name a few (194-202).

These truths are certainly not invented or producible by humans but are reproducible because they invariably come from God. As Western Christians, we have a tendency to live like we have all the answers and have nothing to gain from other religions. I firmly believe that I have received both general and specificrevelation and have been redeemed by Christ who is the only One who can reconcile me to God. I also agree with McDermott and believe I have much to learn about God and myself through other religions’ incomplete attempts to reach Him.

Elpis [HOPE]

Sometimes you don't expect things to stick with you. These things become (in education lingo), enduring understands. Sometimes these are things your teachers intend for you to learn and remember but often, for me at least, they are things that somehow connect between my head and my heart when I least expect. One of these moments was during my Romans class with Tom Allen last semester. We were studying the meaning of elpis, greek for hope. In our culture, we define "hope" as wishful thinking. Wikipedia (not a reliable educational resource but certainly a reliable source for understanding how our society defines terms) says hope is "the emotional state which promotes the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life". However, the greek word elpis involves confident expectation for the future. The Biblical definition of "hope" is waiting confidently for future glorification with perseverance. No where does this definition leave room for half hearted wishful anticipations. We need to be actively displaying persistent discipline in the face of adversity.

Romans 5:3-5

"We also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint."

Some of God's beloved children...

"For you have not received a spirt of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, 'Abba! Father!' " Romans 8:15

Lavishly Without Hesitation

John 12:3, "Mary then took a pound of very costly perfume of pure nard, and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped His feet with her hair..."

This summer I spent six weeks in Uganda. My dear friend and roommate, Krista, joined me a week later. We volunteered with two different organizations while we were there, one of them being a children’s library with ACCLs (Africa Christian Children’s Libraries) and the other an organization that worked with street children (Dwelling Places). I have many stories of people who touched my life and taught me so much but for right now I will just share one.

Krista and I met a family through another volunteer at Dwelling Places. We approached their small home and I noticed about 6 or 7 children around the home. This, however, isn’t uncommon for Ugandan home- families are fluid, everyone is welcome, and your neighbor is your friend. The mother, Agnes, came outside and warmly greeted us and thanked us for coming. Inside, there was a small baby, named Michelle, sitting on the coach. My eyes were instantly drawn to her frail malnourished body. I held her regardless of her mother insisting I should set her down because she might su-su (pee) on me. After we left, I thought to myself that it was so sad the baby was so tiny for her age (she was 7 months old but the size of a newborn) and I told my mom about her that evening on the phone and just said, “It was so sad”. But I had no intentions of going back or helping the family. “What can I do? I don’t want to be the typical American who pities people and then throws money at them. Wouldn’t it be patronizing if I showed up at their house because I felt sorry for them? And because I have more than them, does that make it ok for me to just come back with gifts or food?” These were just some of the many thoughts going through my head.

Krista told me she wanted to go back the following day. I was hesitant of how Agnes would view this, especially because Krista wanted to buy yogurt for Michelle and lollipops for the rest of the kids. If we went back, I wanted to go back as friends and build a friendship that was two way and not based on us giving material things and her receiving.

I went back that day with Krista. I had been so consumed with the obvious condition of Michelle the first time we visited that I didn’t even notice another baby sitting in the corner of the room crying. This time I saw her. Trust seemed “healthy” compared to Michelle. She was 1 ½ and although smaller than most 1 ½ olds in the US, she didn’t look malnourished. I picked her up and held her and she lay limp in my arms. She seemed to have a silent yet steady trickle of tears running down her face. She never smiled or giggled. When given food, she would eat one bean and then just start crying harder as if it physically pained her to even eat. My heart broke for her. I told Agnes that we could and should take Trust to the clinic because something clearly was wrong. Agnes did not have the money for the clinic but Krista and I told her we would pay for it. Thankfully, what Trust had was an easily treatable bacterial infection of some kind. On our last day at Dwelling Places, Agnes made us lunch and we said goodbye. Trust smiled for the first time I had ever seen on that day. That smile meant the world to me.

After returning several times throughout our stay at Dwelling Places, I began collecting pieces of the Agnes’ story. Agnes comes from the Congo and has experienced many horrific and difficult times. By the time she was 15, both of her parents had been killed. She was left with two options: go to the streets and survive through prostitution and/or begging or get married. She chose to get married because she said, “At least I knew someone would take care of me”. Because her husband is Ugandan, they moved to Uganda where she had her first child at 15. She has had 3 other children of her own and adopted at least 4 others. At 26, she is the mother of 8 children. Her husband is currently unemployed. I’m not quite sure if he was laid off of a former job or if he chooses not to work. Despite him not working, Agnes makes paper bead necklaces to support her family. However, making them is an extremely laborious and time consuming process and selling them locally barely covers the expense of the materials.

She has three babies- her youngest by birth is 2, Michelle is 7 months, and Trust is 1 ½. Both Michelle and Trust were abandoned by their birth mothers. Trust lived a couple houses away and Agnes noticed her sitting outside until 10 at night. Agnes went to the house and confronted the mother about neglecting her baby. Agnes told me that Trust’s hair was white-ish and all you could see of her was two eyes and bones. The mother said she didn’t care and couldn’t care for her and told Agnes she would just take her to the mother-in-laws house. Agnes informed me that mother-in-laws of illegitimate children have a bad reputation for killing the babies. Agnes told her that she would not let that happen and told her she would take her in herself. After she took Trust, the mother left and hasn’t been back. Thankfully, Agnes was able to nurse Trust back to health but she still remains quiet and sad. Agnes told me she thinks something happened to her while she would sit outside as a baby. Agnes took in Michelle’s birth mother before she was pregnant. After she gave birth, she left without warning and without her baby. Agnes had to feed her with cows’ milk that her body couldn’t digest properly. She is now able to begin eating solid foods and has a huge appetite! I have high hopes for her to be a healthy weight soon! Her mother also has never been back.

My heart slowly began to open up more to this family. I began feeling their pain and also their joy and wanting to share whatever I had with them. When Agnes first asked us to sell her necklaces, I wanted to say no because I didn’t want her to be dependent on us in any way. But whether it was the “right” choice or not, I agreed to take some beads to sell and find a way to send the money back to her. Not only does Agnes support herself, her husband, and at least 8 children, but she is also supporting her friend and her family. Her friend has HIV/ AIDS and does not have the finances to afford medical care let alone school fees for all her children. Her husband died of AIDS and she is all her children have. She admitted to us that she fears for her children’s futures because she knows she will not be on this earth much longer and they will be left without any support.

If Agnes, with so little can give so much, why can’t I? Agnes gave us quality time with her and her precious little ones, she gave us her friendship regardless of what we did or didn't have to offer, she gave us meals, she taught me about selfless love and faith in God's provision. I want to help, I want to give selflessly, but how do I know when I’m helping or hurting? God has been teaching me so much about what selfless giving looks like through Agnes, Krista, The Well, and the woman in the Gospels who poured her perfume on Jesus. I want to give freely and outrageously without hesitation like Mary did in John 12:1-11 when she poured her most valuable possession over Jesus’ feet. Serving God is costly and dirty. It cost Mary her life savings. She bent low and washed the dirtiest part of Jesus’ body. In stark contrast with her humility was Judas Iscariot. He was arrogant, thinking he knew better than her. He was skeptical and cynical, mocking her for her “useless” act of worship. However, true love and sacrifice don’t seek utility or personal benefits. I want to be like Mary giving lavishly and impractically because I know serving Christ isn’t the means to an end but an end in itself.

Agnes, on the right, with her friend, on the left, displaying her beautiful necklaces.